For the purist.
In the beginning, there was gin, vodka and vermouth. And Robert Benchley and Dorothy Parker. And Nick and Nora Charles. Oh, maybe an olive or lemon twist. But that’s it. And it was good.
The Classic American Dry Martini
This is the one those guys on “Mad Men” are always drinking at ten in the morning. We recommend that you wait until at least noon. Gin or vodka, a hint of extra-dry vermouth, a dash of bitters. Finished with a stuffed olive or lemon twist.
Surprisingly, Dean Martin wasn’t much of a drinker. But when he did, it was always an extremely dry gin martini served with a couple of stuffed olives, one Lucky Strike and a pack of matches. You’ll get it no differently, pally. Though it’s hard to say which will go to your head faster, the gin or the Lucky.
Never a fan of the French, Winston Churchill was the first to kick the vermouth completely to the curb. Start with a shaker-full of Boodles gin, tap the side three times with vermouth bottle, strain into a chilled glass and garnish with a lemon twist.
The drink that made James Bond famous. Or did he make the drink famous? Whatever. A couple of these and you’ll think your famous. Three and you’re likely to be notorious. Gin, vodka, Martini & Rossi Bianco. Finished with a slice of lemon. Shaken, not stirred.
The Harrison Ford.
Chased by Nazis, nearly crushed by a rolling millstone and manage to convince the feds that it was not you, but a one-armed man who killed your wife. All by five o’clock. So, what are you drinking? How about an extra-dry Svedka martini? That’s what Harrison Ford drinks when he visits Club Soda. It’s good enough for him and your day couldn’t have been any harder.
A walk through the Garden of Eden.
For some, a good martini requires a bit more than a mere twist of lemon or stuffed olive. It is for you renegades that we offer the following.
The original “Frutini.” Simple and pure. Gin or vodka. Rose’s lime juice. Shaken and strained into a chilled martini glass. Long after the Melon Ball and Lemon Drop have gone the way of the Harvey Wallbanger and Peter Fuddpucker, the Gimlet shall endure.
Probably should call this “The Velvet Hammer.” How could anything as lovely to look at be so incredibly dangerous. Have a few and you’ll find out. Vodka, orange liqueur, a squeeze of lime and a splash of cranberry. Don’t worry, we’re always here to put you back on your bar stool.
The French Martini
Iconoclasts. Who else but the French would invent vermouth and then refuse to put it in their martini? Raspberry vodka, Raspberry liqueur, pineapple juice and a lemon twist. Add a splash of champagne and it becomes a Flirtini.
The Purple Haze
In a little tribute to Jimi Hendrix, we offer you vodka, a bit of blue curacao and cranberry juice shaken until it’s a lovely shade of deep purple. Then we garnish it with a hit of blotter acid. Nah, just kidding. Besides, it’s much prettier with a lemon twist.
Any true Frank-o-phile knows that Sinatra’s favorite color was orange. Gin, vodka, a splash of orange liqueur and a dash of Cointreau. Like it’s namesake it’s smooth and melodious but still manages to pack quite a punch.
No publican worth his Margarita salt goes on long without a signature cocktail. So, our resident mixologist, Timo, created this little award-winner: Orange vodka, coconut rum, banana and melon liquers and a bit of pineapple juice. Not only delicious, but it’ll prevent scurvy, too.
The brainchild of our lovely Tanya, think of this a Gimlet gone to Mexico. Cuervo Gold. Cointreau and Rose’s Lime Juice. Shake it til it’s frosty and strain it into a chilled, salted and lime garnished martini glass. It’s sweet, tart and a lovely shade of green - just like Tanya’s eyes.
How sweeet it is.The dessert martini.
What a concept. Now you can have a delicious, ice-cold glass of gin or vodka in front of you throughout the meal. Is this a great country, or what?
The purists would say that a chocolate martini is a crime worthy of the rage of Bacchus. But they oughtta lighten up, cause these things are sinfully tasty. Vodka, white creme de cacao. Garnished with a fresh strawberry. Think of it as your just dessert. And let the purists eat cake.
The Chocolate Kiss
Candy may be dandy. And liquor may be quicker. But put ‘em together and, well, uh, wow. Vodka, dark creme de cacao and a dash of heavy cream. Garnished with a little Hershey’s Kiss. Can’t you just feel the love?
It really doesn’t get much sweeter than this. It’s just about the perfect cocktail if you hate the taste of liquor, but still want to feel its full effect. Citrus vodka, Triple Sec, sweet & sour. Served up in a sugar-rimmed martini glass. Want to get jiggy with it? Try it in blueberry or raspberry.
Just like you remember, but with booze. Stoli Vanilla, Amaretto, Triple Sec and orange juice melded into a palate-pleasing panoply of citrus and cream. It’s like having a Good Humor truck parked in your mouth.
It would be the Garden of Eden without one of these, would it? And we won’t banish you from the garden for having one. Six or seven? Then we might have to talk. Vodka, apple pucker schnapps and a splash of triple sec.
The Dark Side
Far be it from us to tell you that martinis have a dark side. Remember, just cause you don’t need a permit to carry one, a martini is not a toy. In this case, however, we’re talking color, not effect.
The Molotov Cocktail
While it’s no relation to the oil and gasoline-filled bottle with rag garnish, this little incendiary device is still sure to ignite a conversation or two. Vodka, Irish whiskey and Irish Mist. Served with a lemon twist.
Of course, if you like a little less vodka with your whiskey, you can do no better than the Manhattan. Bourbon (or try it with rye, the way it was originally made), sweet vermouth, a dash of bitters and a maraschino cherry or two shaken and served “up.”
Boy, oh, boy, there’s nothing more fun than a wide awake drunk. And this’ll get the job done. vanilla vodka, coffee liqueur, hazelnut liqueur and espresso shaken and served in a chilled martini glass.
An old school classic that’s making a comeback. Start with a good VS or VSOP cognac, add a bit of Cointreau and some fresh lemon juice. Shaken and served “up.” Classy and understated. Until your third or fourth, at which point it’s just as proletarian and crass as the Boilermaker.